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    Thursday, May 22, 2008

    Indiana Jones and the something or other

    "Oh my god . . . did that suck!"
    - Frank Cross (Scrooged)

    Right after I watched it, I was like "Hey, that really wasn't very good."
    The more I think about it though, the more upset I get. This was really just terrible. A CG extravaganza, action packed and total waste of time. I like a good adventure film as much as the next guy. I have no problem suspending my disbelief for the sake of a little entertainment, but this was just ridiculous. Not just the endless CG but the characters as well. Seriously, I'm not going to put any spoilers in here but really, if you're thinking about spending money to see this, go see Iron Man again or something.
    Speaking of which, I didn't review it at the time, but Iron Man is my new favorite super hero movie of all time. That was good stuff.


    Brigid_Fitch said...

    Brigid's long-winded & unsolicited review of the new Indiana Jones movie:

    OMG, is Bill ever mad at me. He absolutely enjoyed
    the film and all I did was complain about it on the
    way home.

    Listen, I wasn't looking for much. When I went to see
    the first X-Men movie, all I prayed for was that it
    wouldn't suck. At the end of that movie, I was
    elated--there were some really good moments in there
    and I was thrilled. So I went into "The Crystal
    Skulls" with the same mindset: Please, for the love
    of Christ, don't suck and DON'T destroy the franchise.
    Sadly, my expectations were barely met.

    I'll try to keep as many spoilers out of this as I
    can. For the first half of the movie, it was kinda
    cool. On the positive, you get some history of Indy
    over the past 19 years, the plot is firmly set during
    the McCarthy era, and for the most part it stays true
    to the franchise. Indy was in his groove--he's trying
    to solve a mystery and his need for knowledge extends
    far beyond politics. There were a couple of hiccups
    along the way & I tried to wade through them. And I
    can forgive the refrigerator being thrown a few miles
    away & him emerging with nary a scratch (after all, I
    had to do that with Iron Man). But Shia LeBeouf (who
    I absolutely LOVED in Transformers) as a Marlon Brando
    look-alike completely threw me out of the movie. To
    me, that's unforgivable. If I'm thrown out of a
    movie, it takes me a long time to get back into it.
    It's not his fault, it's whoever made the costume
    decision (I suspect Lucas). There was no reason
    whatsoever to put Mutt in Brando's exact outfit from
    "The Wild One".

    Okay, so I got over that. I tried to forget that
    mid-50's Harleys didn't perform like that in real life
    and I got back into the movie. But I got thrown out
    again when Indy decided to go all pedantic and define
    the difference between quicksand & dry sand.
    COMPLETELY out of character. When would Indiana Jones
    EVER stop in the middle of a life-threatening
    situation to launch into a geology lesson?? Answer:

    As the plot unfolded, I saw that it borrowed heavily
    from 1999's The Mummy and that again threw me out.
    Also, Marion's character was inconsistent with her
    "Lost Ark" persona. For instance, where the hell did
    she learn to drive like that?? These things bugged
    the hell out of me. (And I'm not even going to BEGIN
    to talk about the monkeys & swinging on vines!!)

    The fate of Cate Blanchett's & Mac's characters are
    completely predictable (esp. if you've seen the 1999
    version of The Mummy), as is the entire ending of the
    movie. I have no problem with suspending disbelief as
    long as you ask me to do it consistently. This movie
    doesn't--it kinda goes in fits and starts.

    Overall, it was a nice thrill ride (expect to see the
    waterfall ride at a theme park near you) and on par
    with an Indiana Jones movie. I don't want anyone to
    think I'm trying to judge this film as a stand-alone
    cinematic masterpiece. I went into it looking for an
    Indiana Jones film and I guess the best I can say is
    that I pretty much got what I expected. However,
    after 19 years, you'd think Lucas & Spielberg could
    come up with more.

    You can tell where Lucas inserted his opinion. For
    the record, I believe that Lucas has gone absolutely,
    certifiably crazy in the past 30 years and should be
    banned from greenlighting scripts. I've read Frank
    Darabont's (Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The
    Mist) script for Indy 4 and it's far & away better
    than the treacle that's currently being touted as the
    next installment of the Indy franchise.

    Review: 2 1/2 stars out of 5. Okay if you've got a
    night to kill & Iron Man is sold out. Definitely
    rentable. Otherwise, wait until its available on
    Netflix or On Demand.

    Lance said...


    I sent this link to Gina, but here it is again for you...this should answer ALL your questions as to why Indiana Jones and the Impossibly Clunky Title didn't work as well as it should have.

    And I have a review of the film posted on my site as well, if you care to check it out.
    (be sure to check out the screen caps)


    Andrew Glazebrook said...

    I'm glad it wasn't just me that didn't like this !!